marie calloway friended me after i had written a sexual fantasy ostensibly about her, which was less about her than an abstraction of a ‘young attractive woman on the internet’; i was impressed that she saw past our mutual complicit online farces, and could continue the narrative of artifice known as the internet via facebook. on her wall, she had linked the above link with commentary of my ‘hideousness,’ which stung a little, but i got over it.
to be honest, when she first friended me, however insane and unlikely, for a second, it flashed through my brain “wow, maybe i can come on her face, i know she’s into that.” the internet, and i’m being earnest here, is exactly that. a place for hideous dreams immune to the proof real life presents.
marie just unfriended me. part of me feels like she wanted me to read her wall, about me being hideous, and once she felt i did that, she unfriended me. kate zambreno, a feminist who hosts an irrational hatred of me due to not being able to perceive my misogyny ironically, was there to like it or something. marie’s boyfriend, a soft skinned man who looks like a cross between jimmy kimmel and bobby moynihan, commented critiquing the literary merit of the linked piece.
my misogyny is ironic because i don’t have the physical, political, or emotional power to hurt women. they have the power to hurt me, and have, and continue doing so. my sexual conquests are limited, and i’ve always been a gentleman to them, ever grateful and loving.
real life made me sad, so i went online to find a life there, and it too has made me sad, so i may go back to real life; or, i may simply keep trying to do both. keep trying to fuck people in both worlds. fuck them in terms of misguided love. fuck them in terms of hate.